Children's Fears
As parents, we would like to protect our children from all unpleasant things,
fears included. However, this is not practical or possible.
Though we must do our best to guard our children from unhappy & frightening
incidences, we know that as a child grows up he/she needs to experience
certain fears.
This is useful for maturation and emotional survival.
Psychologists have found that certain fears are very common to certain ages of
development. We can help our children cope with their fears by knowing more
about these fears. By knowing more about these fears, we can help reassure a
frightened child.
Age Typical Fears:
- 6 Years: Very fearful age - auditory fears; doorbell, telephone, ugly voice
tones, fear of ghosts, witches, someone hiding under the bed, fear of being
lost, fear of the elements fire, water, thunder, lightening, fear of
something happening to parents.
- First 2 Years: Separation anxiety (especially at bedtime), fear of
strangers, auditory fears, noises, animals, doctors, change in routine, etc.
- 3 Years: Stranger anxiety, doctors, visual fears (masks, beards, etc.),
images, fear of the dark, animals, monsters, first worries about death.
- 4 Years: Fear of the dark, fear of abandonment, separation, animals,
monsters, ghosts, witches, new situations, auditory fears, etc.
- 5 Years: Not a typical fearful age - fears are more based in
reality. Examples: bodily harm, losing a parent, parent will not return
home.
- 7 Years: Visual fears - shadows, ghosts, heights, burglars, social
rejection, entering new situations, being late for school.
- 8-9 Years: Fear of criticism, not being liked, failure (especially school
failure), apt to deliberately repeat fearful situation as a means to resolve
it.
- 10 Years: Very fearful, fear of snakes and wild animals, fires, burglars,
"killers", etc.
Parental Influence:
Some children's fears stem from imitating parents. Studies have shown that
when parents fear thunderstorms, insects, animals, doctors, burglars, their
children will likely develop the same fears.
Parent-induced fears are usually long lasting for it's difficult to rid
oneself of a fear that is exhibited by one's parent. - If my parent is afraid,
there must be something that I need to be concerned with.
Parents, set an example by rationally coping with dangers yourself:
What To Do To Help Children Cope With Fears:
- We should encourage our children to communicate their fears. Just talking
about fears can alleviate them and make them less threatening.
- Communicating their fears prevents that they are alone in their fears and
worries.
- Communicating also reinforces the parent-child relationship and builds the
foundation of trust.
DO's:
- Listen carefully to what your child is saying. Formulate in your own mind
what child is expressing.
- Mirror back in your own words what your child has expressed. (These three
effective steps are referred to as active listening, mirroring, or the
feedback technique).
- Build the child's faith in himself/herself and in his/her own abilities.
- Give the child the opportunity to overcome his/her fears actively (do NOT
overprotect).
- Make the child feel you will always love and protect him/her whenever
necessary.
DON'Ts:
- Say things like "That is silly", "There's no such things as monsters",
"You're just trying to avoid going to bed".
- Ridicule or punish the fearful child.
- Threaten the child with abandonment or irrational tales.
